THE LOST ART OF RELATIONSHIP
you’ve been waiting for that will propel you forward in life. Let me give you an example.
Ever since I was a teenager, I have been making connections; that is, building a community of people in every area I have lived. That community supports me and everyone around me. I never rely on just one or a few individuals. Some connections are stronger than others, but at any time, the lesser connections can be strengthened with time and relationship.
Even though I have been building a community of people around me for over thirty years, it wasn’t until the last five years when I realized the extreme importance and imperativeness to always build on that community. What do I mean by this?
Wherever I have lived, Baltimore, near Philadelphia, inner-city New Jersey, Los Angeles, Central Coast California, or Northern California, my desire to get to know people on a personal level has always been present. By taking someone to coffee or lunch or just sitting down for a few minutes, you can learn a lot about someone when you ask the right questions. It begins a relationship with people. Plus, it means more to get to know someone than it does just to do a transaction and move on.
This is not difficult to learn, but for some, I realize it is difficult to do. It requires the art of listening and patience that has taken me quite a long time to master, and I still have a long way to go. Impatience is one of the viruses that can sicken any relationship.
Asking someone to tell you a little about themselves leaves too much room for the person you are talking to. This leeway allows the person to give you only the information they want you to hear. In most conversations they will paint a positive picture of their life, leaving out the areas where they may accidentally leak information that shows their insecurities and weaknesses, or even dreams and aspirations.
When I first meet someone, I usually ask specific questions as long as I have some time to sit down and listen. Sometimes I even have a pad and pen to take notes, which I ask them if it is okay to use. Taking notes increases my capacity to remember the information they are about to provide. Here are the typical questions I ask:
Where were you born and how did you get to where you are?
Where have you lived?
Why did you choose your current profession or place to live?
When someone begins to share their story, they may glide over information